


maybe you could devastate me

by carmiros



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: !! nice!!, Dysphoria, Eric "Doesn't Know How Hot He Is" Bittle, Gender Exploration, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, and im gay for lardo, androgynous!bitty, but not too much!!, jack zimmermann is a nerd, minor alcohol use, trans boy!bitty, vague transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 06:27:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5081149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmiros/pseuds/carmiros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bitty is, to be fair, legitimately curious when he watches Lardo put on makeup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe you could devastate me

**Author's Note:**

> alternatively titled "i'm gay for both bitty and halsey lmao let's suffer"
> 
> title is from, unsurprisingly, "hurricane" by halsey

Bitty is, to be fair, legitimately curious when he watches Lardo put on makeup. He's always been curious, wondering what he'd look like with pink lips and drawn-out cheekbones. But when you were born a girl and decide you want to be a guy instead, people tend to force gender roles onto you.

Coach's voice rings in his ears, yelling, _Men don't wear makeup_ , when Lardo glances at Bitty through the mirror's reflection.

She grins. "You know, you'd look good in eyeliner."

Bitty just shrugs, not exactly trusting himself to speak.

Lardo turns to face him, eyebrow quirked. She gives him a once-over, then says "C'mere."

_Men don't wear makeup, especially men who were girls._

Bitty carefully chooses to ignore that voice that's screaming in his head as he clambers off Lardo's bed and creeps over to the bathroom door.

"Uhm," he says nervously, leaning against the door frame, "What do I do?"

Lardo pats the toilet seat. "Just sit."

Bitty obeys, crossing his ankles and watching as Lardo digs through her makeup bag. Finally, she gets out a long black stick that Bitty recognizes from when he watched his mama put on makeup.

Lardo puts her hand under Bitty's chin, demanding, "Close your eyes."

The anticipation makes Bitty's chest tighten as he does so, shivering when the brush touches his eyelid. It tugs on his skin and kind of hurts, but Bitty takes a deep breath and interlaces his fingers.

Lardo must notice his anxiety, because she says, "Trust me, Bits, you're gonna look so hot," which makes Bitty laugh.

A second later Lardo says, "Now you can open."

When Bitty nervously flutters his eyes open, Lardo's mouth actually drops open a little and Bitty assumes the worst.

"Oh _dear_ , it looks terrible, doesn't it? I'm sorry-"

"Dude. You look so good."

Bitty feels his cheeks get warm. "Really?" he asks.

Lardo nods, still looking a bit shell-shocked. "Look in the mirror."

So Bitty stands, leans over to look into the mirror, and hardly recognizes himself.

His eyes are, well, _sharper_ than usual, not the warm brown he thought of them as. The liquid eyeliner makes his whole face look more angular and not as childlike. Bitty likes it.

"Wow," he whispers, tilting his face to get a better look. Since when did he have so many freckles?

Lardo's eyes suddenly light up. "Hold on, there's something else you should try."

"O-okay?" Bitty says, then watches as Lardo ducks out of the bathroom. He hears the closet door open but is, admittedly, too busy staring at himself to process it.

He turns when Lardo comes back and automatically says, "Oh, dear."

Lardo thrusts the black dress at him. "Oh, yes."

_Men don't wear dresses. They date girls and play football-_

Bitty grabs the dress, and shoos Lardo away. "Don't watch me change, you perv."

Lardo barks a laugh and says, "So all the guys can watch you change but I can't?" but backs off anyway.

"I can't help that I'm gay," Bitty retorts and grins when Lardo laughs again.

The grin fades away slightly when Bitty looks back at himself. Even in just a t-shirt, his curves are showing, and he curses his mama for giving him such obvious hips but automatically feels bad afterward.

He peels off his shirt, frowning slightly when he realizes that he might need to buy a new binder. He dismisses it and keeps undressing.

Bitty suddenly remembers his thirteen year old self, not knowing what it meant when he told Mama and Coach that he wanted to be a boy. Not knowing until he went to school with short hair and got shoved into a closet.

Bitty forces himself to look into the mirror, meeting his own dark, fierce gaze.

"You got this," he tells himself quietly before putting the dress on. It's tight and makes Bitty wheeze for a moment, but he shifts so it slides into a more comfortable position.

His arm cramps while trying to zip the back up, which is more difficult than Bitty thought. But finally everything is in place and Bitty says, "Lardo, I'm done!"

Bitty turns to face the door, yet he isn't ready for when Lardo walks in and gasps.

"Oh, Bitty," she sighs, hands moving up to cover her mouth.

"Is it okay?" he asks, twirling the dress a little.

Lardo seems at a loss for words before she replies, "You look _sexy_."

Bitty's heart nearly stops and he finally wills himself to look in the mirror.

He has to admit, he does look good. Even though it's tight, the dress hugs his figure in all the right places and for once in his life, Bitty doesn't feel uncomfortable that his chest is more noticeable.

The dress is more of a top and skirt that shows a bit of Bitty's stomach, all abs and slight childhood chubbiness that makes his waist a bit wider. It definitely shows off his thighs, which Bitty's always okay with bragging about; he's worked hard on those.

Lardo peeks over his shoulder. "You like it?"

"Y-Yeah," Bitty says, surprised that his voice is practically steady.

"You can have it if you want. It doesn't fit me anymore."

Bitty turns to look at Lardo, who meets his shocked gaze with a smile. "Thank you," he manages.

Lardo shrugs. "You look hotter in it than me."

She's not wrong.

______

The next time Bitty comes over to Lardo's apartment, she has her shoes on and her purse over her shoulder.

"We can't just ignore the fact that you're super hot, Bits," she says, which makes Bitty turn tomato red. "I gotta take you shopping."

Bitty turns even redder, stammering, "Lardo, no- You don't have to- Please-"

He stops when Lardo puts her hands on either side of his face. "Bits," she says. "You are literally so fucking hot I can hardly deal. The rest of the world must know about your staggering beauty."

All Bitty can say in reply is, "You sound like Shitty right now."

Lardo nods. "Good. Let's go."

 

______

On the way to Urban Outfitters, Bitty would be lying if he said his hands weren't shaking.

What would his parents say if they found out he was doing this? Dressing up in these kinds of clothes, putting on makeup and actually feeling comfortable-- _empowered_ \-- for once? That they thought he wanted to be a boy? What if he was he doubting his gender again? Did he fake all of this in the first place for attention?

Bitty can imagine his mama's hardly-veiled disapproval. _Dicky, dear,_ she'd say. _Boys like you can't do things like this. It'll get people all confused and you know they disapprove already._

Coach wouldn't say anything, but everything would be in his facial expression. _You failed me again. I got a son but all he is is a pathetic excuse of a man who likes figure skating and baking, as if he's been a girl all along._

Bitty almost grabs Lardo's arm to stop her, but he takes a deep breath. What they don't know can't hurt them.

The crippling tunnel vision he'd started to get fades and Bitty straightens his posture. It's okay. He has friends who support him. He has Lardo.

His posture stays strong as they step into the store, which is slightly empty except for two employees sitting behind the front counter. They wave, but don't ask if they're looking for anything specific, and Bitty is thankful for that. He isn't sure how he'd say, "Oh, yeah, I'm looking for women's clothes. Did I mention I'm a guy? Yeah, haha, funny-- No, she's not my girlfriend. We're both gay. Oh yeah, I like guys. In fact, I have a crush on one-"

Lardo's voice breaks through Bitty's train of thought. "Wanna look around?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah! Totally. I'm okay with looking around and picking out clothes that don't go with my gender- _Lardo, help me, I'm freaking out_."

Lardo looks like she's about to slap him to get him to snap out of it, but instead she looks him dead in the eye and says, "It's okay."

The horrible feeling in the back of Bitty's throat leaves, and Bitty takes a breath before saying steadily, "Yep. Okay."

The two of them spend a while browsing, which mostly consists of Lardo shoving things into Bitty's arms and Bitty giving it a once-over. The employees sometimes glance over but never look weirded out, so after awhile Bitty starts picking out his own things.

After what seems like forever, Lardo commands, "Changing room. Now."

Bitty almost protests, but Lardo shoves him into the nearest one. He's hardly undressed when Lardo throws some lingerie into the small compartment.

She hears Bitty's squeak and says, "Trust me."

Bitty picks up a black, lacy bra and examines it with wide eyes. "You sure I'd look good in this?"

"Just put the damn clothes on."

"Sorry, sorry!"

Bitty looks at the mass of clothes hung up and placed on the little seat in the corner, before picking up a skirt.

"Right," he mutters and strips off his shirt. When he takes his binder off, he actually sighs so loudly that Lardo says, "...That sounded inappropriate."

Bitty yelps. " _Lardo!_ "

"Sorry, sorry. You almost done?"

Bitty doesn't answer, just picks up the bra again. He hasn't worn a bra, well, ever since he's had a small enough chest. Lately, and to his annoyance, that's changed a little. So whenever Bitty's changing in the locker room before practice, either Holster or Ransom say, " _Dang,_ Bits, you got a serious rack there."

(But if it makes Jack blush, Bitty just grins.)

So Bitty slides the bra on and calls, "Lardo, can you please hook this up for me?"

The door opens wide enough for Lardo to slip in and as soon as the door shuts she says, "Holy fuck."

Bitty snorts. "Just put it on."

"Bits, you look so good. I can't, like, even tell you how fucking hot you are. You're gonna get so many dudes."

When he hears a reassuring click, Bitty straightens up and looks at himself in the mirror.

The first thing he says is, "My boobs are so big."

But really, it's true. For years Bitty had never payed attention to his chest; he couldn't stand to look at it and realize that his body didn't match who he said he was, but now he can't stop staring. He'd never even thought about wearing something like this, yet he looks so confident that he wonders why he never did.

Lardo says, "Put this on," and hands him a dark blue skirt. Once Bitty has it on, the two of them stare at his reflection.

It's quiet for awhile, until Bitty speaks up.

"This feels right."

________

It becomes Bitty and Lardo's secret. It isn't a bad one, but Bitty isn't exactly ready to show off his new clothes.

Instead, he goes to Lardo's in his regular clothes then changes. She has all his clothes in the bottom of her closet, ready when he gets there. Bitty can't help but compare it to changing personalities, but this time it feels comfortable. It feels more like him. Yet it's not like Bitty's lying or hiding from everyone else; he just trusts Lardo more with this.

At least that's what he's telling himself.

The two of them just sit on Lardo's bed, passing a bottle of wine back and forth while watching _Say Yes to the Dress_. Eventually it becomes a joint, but no one has to know that.

One time, they're both considerably high when Lardo says, "Y'know, you don't even act like you anymore."

Bitty glances over from the TV. "Whaddya mean?"

"I mean...when I first met you, you were like-- a twink. So innocent n' shit, you know? But now you're smoking a joint with me."

Bitty lets that sink in for a moment. "Did you call me a twink?"

"You were totally a twink! Baking and singin' to Beyoncé, now look at you. We were just talking about Jack's ass in graphic detail," Lardo slurs, waving the joint around as she talks.

"Jack does have a great ass. It's his finest quality. I wanna touch it."

Lardo and Bitty stare at each other before bursting into laughter.

"I dare you-"

" _No,_ he's straight-"

"Still do it!"

"W-What if I made him gay?"

" _Do it._ "

"I can't just make someone gay! Besides, as if he'd even like me, y'know?"

Lardo stares. Her facial expression is so blank that Bitty sits up, watching her with wide eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asks quietly.

His eyes grow even wider when Lardo sets their joint down and leans forward so she can grasp Bitty's shoulders.

" _Eric Bittle_ ," she says, accenting each word with a shake that makes Bitty yelp. " _You are not only super hot, but the damn sweetest guy I've ever met. You got that?_ "

Bitty's too disoriented to answer, eyesight still shaky, so Lardo yells, "You got that?"  

"Yes!" Bitty shrieks.

Apparently that isn't satisfying because Lardo says, "I mean, look at you! You look so good right now. Really. It's like you've grown into the person you are, y'know? Not sayin' that who you are with everyone else isn't you, but you seem more-"

"Confident?" Bitty suggests quietly, twirling the hem of his skirt with his finger.

Lardo waves her arms around, almost hitting Bitty in the face. "Exactly! Bits-- whoa, are you okay?"

Bitty tries to reply but he can't breathe. His lungs are so constricted that taking a simple breath makes his chest heave. Everything seems blurry and _Bitty can't let Lardo see him like this-_

He starts to get up, to say "I'll text you later,” but Lardo stops him. She frames his face with both hands.

"You can tell me what's the matter, Bits." she says softly, locking their gazes.

Bitty takes a shuddering breath before sighing, "I feel like I'm always acting, y'know? Pretending to be something I'm not, or hiding things so people will still like me."

Hesitating, Lardo replies slowly, "Do you pretend around us?"

"...Sometimes. But it's not-- I trust y'all with my life...but I don't think y'all would really like me."

Bitty starts to duck his head down but Lardo tilts his chin up, using her thumb to wipe away a stray tear.

"Look," she says, voice soft just for him, "We will love you no matter what. We _do_ love you. Bitty, nobody's perfect. You don't need to hide anything from us, okay?"

"You don't-" Bitty starts to croak out, but Lardo stops him.

"Don't do that. I may not understand everything you've gone through but I sure as hell know that you deserve everything good in the world. We all know that. You're not a freak and you're not a mistake, got it?"

Bitty nods and Lardo smiles again. "Good."

Then she stands up, reaching for Bitty's hand. He takes it, croaking, "What-"

"Just c'mere."

Bitty lets Lardo drag him to her closet and force him to stop in front of the mirror. He cringes, seeing his puffy eyes and smeared mascara.

"Lardo, I-"

"Look at you. You're gorgeous," Lardo says, motioning down at the skirt and leggings he's wearing. "And people know that. Remember when I had you walk out in that dress at Urban Outfitters?"

Bitty manages a watery laugh. "The cashier looked like she was gonna faint, bless her heart."

"Because you _rocked_ that dress, Bitty! You looked like you. And you do right now. We just want you to be happy, y'know?"

Bitty stares at himself; his freckles, his tan skin, his sharp eyes and dark lips, the way the skirt fits his waist better than any pair of jeans he's owned, and he feels content for the first time in his life.

 

_______

Eventually Bitty had to tell everyone else, right?

He couldn't do it face-to-face; just strut into the Haus, wearing a dress and expect everyone to nod and say, "Yeah, Bitty, that's fine," because that's just not how hockey bros are. They'd scream and hug Bitty and Bitty loves his team to death, but he's not exactly ready for that.

Instead, one day Lardo says, "Can I take a picture of you?"

Bitty looks over and sees that Lardo already has her phone out, except she's upside down because Bitty is leaned over the side of the bed.

"Uhm," he says, swinging upright onto the bed, "Sure?"

He takes one last drag of their shared joint for courage, before leaning over to put it on Lardo's nightstand. When he straightens back up, he simply places his hands on his thighs.

"H-How do you want me?"

Lardo giggles, "Like one of your French girls."

Bitty giggles too, but actually drapes himself across the blankets, throwing one leg over the other. Placing his hand under his chin, Bitty says, "Like this?"

"Dude," Lardo gasps. "Your butt is so killer right now."

"I think it's the shorts."

"Thank fucking God for those shorts," Lardo says. "But hold on. Sit up."

Bitty obeys and lets Lardo lean over to tilt his chin up.

"Don't cross your legs- yeah, like that. Sit up straight. Uhm, broaden your shoulders? 'Kay, stay there."

Bitty watches as Lardo adjusts her phone, muttering under her breath about lighting and angles.

"You sound like Jack," Bitty sighs, smiling a little when he thinks about Jack trying to take a picture of a goose.

His smile is fading when he hears the camera click. His chest constricts and he yells, "Wait, no!"

Lardo just nods at her phone. "Dude, yes. Look at you."

She shoves her phone into Bitty's face and he gasps.

"I look hot," he mutters, taking the phone from her to get a better look at himself.

Bitty looks like a Renaissance painting, the muted light making him look darker than he really is. His hair shines like a beacon of sorts, in contrast to his sharp eyes that aren't full of that usual light. In fact, they're so dark that it doesn't even look like Bitty. His lips are dark and Bitty thanks Lardo for convincing him to get purple lipstick, because that faintest trace of a plum-colored smile is what makes the picture; besides the way his chest is out for everyone to see and his thighs look _really good_ in those shorts.

But then Lardo says, "I'm gonna send it to Shitty," and Bitty yelps.

"What?! No, no, you can't. He'll show it to everyone and-"

"Bits, the only thing he'll do is say 'look at that beautiful motherfucker.' Just like he does with Jack."

When Bitty doesn't say anything, Lardo adds, "Trust me."

He sighs, handing Lardo her phone back. "Fine."

Lardo grins and Bitty falls back onto the bed, covering his face with the blankets.

"I can't watch," Bitty groans, trying to settle his heartbeat and get rid of the way his stomach feels all tight.

He doesn't know how long he stays hidden, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks and his stomach turn into a whirlpool of anxiety until Lardo says, "Shitty thinks you look hot."

Bitty skyrockets up. " _What?_ "

Lardo smirks. "He says you look really good. Jack hasn't replied yet."

" _You sent it to Jack? Lardo, you fucking-_ "

Her phone dings.

Before Lardo can look, Bitty lunges at her. She lands a good kick in his knee but Bitty elbows her in the shoulder, which makes her drop her phone. In a scramble, Bitty grabs it and with shaking hands, reads the text.

"It's from Jack," he whispers, muscles already tensing up.

_He looks good._

________

**Eric Bittle** @omgcheckplease

So. Me and Lardo just got cat-called. -___-

10 • 55

|

 **claire** @samwellie0421

@omgcheckplease oh my gosh are you okay?? was it too bad?? >:-(

0 • 15

|

 **Eric Bittle** @omgcheckplease

@samwellie0421 We're fine, thank you! <3 But I have never run so fast in my life! When one of them catcalled us, Lardo punched him! #soproud

100 • 128

|

 **claire** @samwellie0421

@omgcheckplease ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY?!!

0 • 3

|

 **Eric Bittle** @omgcheckplease

@samwellie0421 Absolutely! Me and Lardo made it to Starbucks, so we're okay! Thank you for caring. :')

5 • 67

**sam** @roobochan

@omgcheckplease did they...not know....you're a guy?? 0__0

0 • 2

|

 **Eric Bittle** @omgcheckplease

@roobochan Haha, I guess not! But I can't really blame them, since I'm wearing lipstick and sunglasses! XD

199 • 353

|

 **sam** @roobochan

@omgcheckplease UHM? SELFIE?

0 • 56

|

 **fer** @warclocks

@omgcheckplease @roobochan SELFIE SELFIE SELFIE SELFIE

0 • 32

**Eric Bittle** @omgcheckplease

Starbucks with my favorite manager! [twitter.com/photo/5498017937](http://twitter/mobile/photo_5498017937)

1,386 • 3,906

________

Not too long after Lardo sends Shitty that picture of Bitty, Shitty corners him in the living room.

"Brah," Shitty says. "Why haven't you shown us your new clothes?"

Bitty's heart jumps in his chest and he automatically puts his math homework between him and Shitty.

"Uhm!" Bitty squeaks. "I didn't- I wanted- I'm _sorry_ -"

Shitty's eyes widen. "Bits, calm the fuck down-"

"I trust y'all with my life, but I thought-"

"What?"

Bitty stutters to a stop. Shitty's staring at him with such a wide, honest gaze that Bitty can't speak. His thoughts slow down along with his heartbeat, and he finally wilts.

"I didn't want..." Bitty sighs, looking down at his feet. "Y'all to get weirded out b-because I'm a guy wearing women's clothes."

It's silent. Bitty looks up to see Shitty's eyes narrowed- not in suspicion, but as if he was deep in thought.

"Bits, I think you oughta sit down," he says finally.

Bitty sits on the edge of the couch, careful not to get any of its God-awful germs. Meanwhile, Shitty lounges comfortably, reaching over for a day old can of beer left on the counter.

Shitty takes a long sip before saying, "Look, the gender binary is a piece of shit. It was only created so we had a reason to say that women aren't capable to live on their own and make their own decisions, right?"

Bitty nods.

"And why the fuck we decided that clothes should have genders is beyond me. For fuck's sake," Shitty continues. "Pink used to be a masculine color! You get what I'm saying?"

Bitty nods again and Shitty takes another drink of his beer.

"So basically, we don't give a fuck if you wear 'women's clothes'-" Shitty adds air quotes for emphasis, "Because we all, as a fuckin' team, know that clothes don't match your gender. Usually. Like, if you wanna wear plaid to show off your goddamn masculinity, be my fuckin' guest! Just don't be a dick and enforce your gender binary bullshit on anyone else."

At that, Bitty topples backwards, hitting his head against the couch cushions and staring up at the ceiling. "I get that, but I just didn't want y'all to think I wanted to be a girl!"

"Do you feel like a girl?"

"Not at all!"

"So. If we wanna add labels- are you comfortable with that? 'Kay, good- you're a trans guy, right? That's your gender. But the way you present yourself is androgynous."

Bitty sighs, "Is that weird?"

Shitty sits up and crosses his legs. "Not at all, bro! It's pretty fuckin' 'swawesome."

Bitty finally looks over. "Really?"

"Yeah! And you know we all still love the hell outta you, right? You're still our favorite bakin' gaywad!"

Managing a laugh, Bitty says, "Thanks, Shits."

"It's my job to enlighten people on the shitty gender binary," Shitty says.

But then he adds, "But for real though, you're so fucking hot. If I weren't ace as fuck I'd bang you."

Bitty's scream echoes throughout the Haus.

_________

"I don't think I can do this."

Bitty straightens his skirt, the music downstairs making the floor vibrate. He runs a hand through his hair.

Lardo circles around him. "Dude, c'mon, you look great. Need a drink?"

As soon as Lardo hands him her can of beer, Bitty guzzles about half of it down in a second, letting the alcohol make his brain fuzzy. He needs to calm down _now-_

Shitty pats him on the back. "Brah, everyone's gonna think you're hot."

Bitty glances at him, nerves still on edge despite the one and half cans of beer he's had. "Are you sure? I don't want too much attention-"

Shitty suddenly grabs him by the cheeks, forcing Bitty to look straight into his eyes. Bitty notices that they're a bit bloodshot. "Bits, you gotta fuckin' treat yourself. All you fucking do is give other people attention all the damn time. Let yourself go tonight. Fuck shit up."

It's quiet afterwards and Bitty makes himself look back at his reflection. His eyes snap up to meet his own, and something flashes. He can do this.

"Right," Bitty mutters and before he can think twice, he walks out the bedroom door. Shitty and Lardo follow behind him, which helps Bitty's nerves significantly.

It's almost like a movie, Bitty thinks, as he grazes his hand across the hallway wall. Like Sandy after she dolled herself up for Danny, or Cher with Dionne and Tai. Except it isn't. When Bitty starts down the stairwell, heads automatically turn. _Real_ gazes from _real_ people look at Bitty, and eyes widen. It's not exactly in disapproval but more in shock; at least Bitty hopes so.

Bitty's eyes meet with Holster's, who whoops from the beer pong table. Ransom turns to see what Holster whooped at and his mouth drops open. Bitty smiles, breaking the cool persona he tried to keep up.

"Lookin' good, Bits." Nursey says in passing, looking Bitty up and down.

"Oh! Uhm- thank you." Bitty stammers out and before Nursey can chirp him, Bitty beelines to a corner of the room.

He sinks down onto the extra couch Ransom and Holster bring out for parties, making sure to keep his legs closed. He's never really had to worry about that before, but the way people are staring at him makes him a bit more cautious.

Someone suddenly sits beside him. Bitty flinches despite himself and Jack's low voice says, "Sorry, uh, d-did I scare you?"

An almost manic giggle breaks free. "No, it's okay. Just-" Bitty adjusts. "Not used to the attention, y'know?"

It might just be the alcohol, but Bitty swears Jack's cheeks get a little red before Jack says, "Well, uhm, I can't blame them. You look good."

"Oh go- I mean, thank you," Bitty manages and takes a sip of beer to shut himself up. He's not exactly sure how the cup appeared, but that's the magic of Haus parties.

It's quiet for a moment before Jack shifts to look at Bitty head-on. His eyes are bright in the dark room, the cheesy lights Shitty hung up making his cheekbones look sharper than usual. Bitty's heart catches in his throat.

"I," Jack starts. "I saw the picture Lardo sent."

Bitty remembers the text response clear as day: _He looks good._

"That must've been a surprise," Bitty jokes, mustering a grin. Jack just turns even redder, the flush creeping down his throat and Bitty suddenly thinks of what it would be like to see that up close. To see _Jack_ up close, in the privacy of his bedroom-

"A good surprise, though."

Bitty can't breathe; the breath's been knocked out of his lungs and he must be dead because Jack's lopsided and nervous smile is _right in front of him_.

"Well," Bitty chokes out. "I'm...glad?"

Jack smiles behind his cup, taking another sip. Their eyes don't move away from each other and Bitty feels like he's dying.

Then Jack sets his cup off to the side and Bitty takes the opportunity to say, "Wanna get outta here?"

Jack looks thrown off so Bitty rushes to add, "Not, like, in the sexual way. I meant if you wanted to leave the Haus and get something to eat because this place is starting to get crowded-"

"Does Seven-Eleven sound good?"

Bitty stops. "I'm...pardon?"

Jack stands up. "Does Seven-Eleven sound okay? I'm craving a slushie."

Bitty must definitely be dead, because Jack Zimmermann does not invite Eric Bittle to go grab a slushie. Jack Zimmermann does not even know what a slushie _is_ , or even like them.

Bitty hardly manages to string words together, to make even the faintest trace of a sentence, before settling for, "Okay."

Jack smiles. "Nice. There's a Seven-Eleven down the street, I think? I mean, I don't go there, uh, often. Hockey diet and stuff, eh?"

"Sometimes I forget how awkward you are," Bitty chirps, grabbing Jack's wrist so they don't get separated as they make their way out of the Haus.

Jack says something unintelligible, quite possibly in French, but Bitty is too busy trying not to implode. He can't get over how huge Jack is, Bitty's fingers hardly wrapping around his wrist. Bitty wonders how big Jack's hand would be interlaced with his.

_Act straight, act straight, act straight-_

But then Shitty's voice rings through Bitty's head: _Let yourself go._

So he does.

He lets his fingers run downwards, going across Jack's palm before curling around Jack's fingers. Bitty forces himself to look over his shoulder and sees Jack staring at their hands. Then Jack's eyes flicker up and Bitty sees the way he gasps.

Bitty can't trust himself to speak, so he keeps a grip on Jack's hand as they step out into the late night air. It's surprisingly warm for April, the air thick from rain and the sky cloudy.

"It's nice," Jack says quietly, looking up at the moon.

Bitty doesn't look up, just watches Jack. "I think so, too," he replies.

That's all that's said on the walk, but their actions are enough. Jack's shoulder keeps brushing the tip of Bitty's and he swings their linked hands every once in awhile. Bitty knows he couldn't handle looking down at their hands, so he watches the cars go by.

After a while, Bitty sees a neon sign with the numbers _7/11_ on it. The parking lot is practically empty, almost desolate. Even an old candy wrapper rolls across the concrete.

"Guess no one thought a slushie sounded good, eh?" Jack jokes, throwing Bitty a hesitant smile.

Bitty knocks their shoulders together. "Only you would, Mr. Zimmermann."

Jack scoffs as they head up to the front door. "Slushies are underappreciated and you know it."

"How old are you again? Because you sound eleven years old right now."

Jack laughs- actually _laughs_. It's quiet but sweet, rumbling in a way that reminds Bitty of thunder. The exhilaration that follows hearing it runs from the tip of Bitty's head all the way down to his toes and everything seems to brighten.

The store is empty except for an employee behind the counter, smoking a cigarette and texting. They look up at Jack and Bitty in passing then return to their phone.

Jack and Bitty's hands don't pull apart until Jack beelines for the slushie machine, and Bitty feels empty from the loss of warmth. So he wanders down the closest aisle and browses at all the drinks to distract himself.

Then he hears Jack's heavy footsteps and he turns, about to say something when suddenly, Bitty's back is hitting the freezer door behind him and Jack has an arm caging him in.

Bitty hardly manages to say Jack's name, because they're both so close that Bitty can hardly breathe. Jack smells like a combination of cologne and alcohol, smoke clinging onto his clothes and Bitty shouldn't find that hot but _God_ , it sends a thrill down his spine.

The cold glass is almost unbearable, but the way Jack is looking at Bitty like he wants to eat him alive and how he's pressed right along the line of Bitty's body makes it worth it.

The sticky sweetness of cherry fans across Bitty's face when Jack says, "I'm trying really hard not to kiss you right now."

Bitty digs his nails into his palm. _This can't actually be happening._

He wants to say a million things: _Are you sure you're not drunk? Why me? I thought you were straight. Kiss me._

Instead he chokes out, "Oh dear."

"I want you to remember it, though." Jack continues quietly and Bitty realizes that Jack is saying all of this just for him, no one else.

So he leans in a bit closer and replies, "Me too."

He grins when Jack's cheeks turn a shade redder than they already are, but it falters a bit when Jack hesitantly rests on Bitty's cheek.

"Promise you'll remember it?" Jack asks, eyes already resting on Bitty's mouth.

"Promise," Bitty breathes out, chest constricting from sheer nerves and the anticipation of what's hopefully to come. But he isn't even close to prepared when Jack mutters, "Oh thank God," and leans in, pressing their lips together.

It's not even a press, it's more of sharing the same air. Jack's lips hardly hover over Bitty's, slightly chapped and something straight out of heaven.

A gasp escapes from Bitty's mouth, and Jack lets out this choked out groan and before Bitty can say "Holy shit, that was hot," Jack kisses him.

Bitty hasn't kissed anyone really, besides when he played spin the bottle in high school, and Jack's probably kissed a million people judging by the way he's kissing Bitty. It's gentle but sure, slow in a way that makes Bitty's brain go all fuzzy.

Bitty's fingers drift up Jack's sides, ghosting by his arms and his hands. They brush by his shoulders and dig into his hair, right as Bitty tilts his head to kiss Jack deeper, knocking their noses together for one brief moment.

Typically Bitty would have pulled away to apologize for how embarrassingly inexperienced he is, but right now Jack's other hand is resting on his hip and he's dragging his teeth along Bitty's bottom lip.

Then Jack pulls away to look at Bitty, pupils blown and lips starting to turn a deep red.

It's all strangely perfect, how Bitty is pressed up against the freezer at 7/11 with the taste of _Jack fucking Zimmermann_ on his lips. How he's wearing a skirt and eyeliner that's probably smudged around his eyes. How it's one in the morning yet everything is so bright, from the fluorescent lights above their heads to the linoleum floors to Jack's eyes.  

Jack kisses him gently and Bitty smiles against it.

_____

**Eric Bittle** @omgcheckplease

who knew that samwell's favorite hockey captain liked slushies? [twitter.com/photoset/76593017903](http://twitter.com/photoset/76593017903)

2,347 • 5,201

**Author's Note:**

> so, i kinda had specific outfits in mind while writing this, so.  
> what lardo makes bitty try on: http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=37070208&category=W_APP_DRESSES
> 
> what bitty tries on at the store: http://nuhtahleeah.tumblr.com/post/117158823606/ashleyfrangiqane-halsey-singing-ghost-with-the
> 
> the leggings and skirt: http://cactuscola.tumblr.com/post/129675741764
> 
> what jack and shitty see: http://www.polyvore.com/iamhalsey_man_camera.instagram_photo_websta/thing?id=131908543
> 
> bitty at starbucks with lardo: https://www.crowdalbum.com/album/55849ffd6170705870ba0500/2015-Firefly-Music-Festival--Saturday-feat--Kings-Of-Leon_20150620?mediaId=612469096798646272
> 
> bitty at the haus party: http://halsey-fashion.tumblr.com/post/121706029688/halsey-looked-very-chic-performing-meeting-fans


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